Cat in the Larder
by SapSorrow
Summary: A fluffy great sequel to "In the Volcano". Basically Kirk and Spock are on the closest thing to a honeymoon they will ever have, in a palatial beach house in Monterey Bay. A few glimpses into their activities and conversations at this time. Fluff, smut, feels more fluff and foolishness. Recently changed to M rated as some chapters contain graphic sex and all contain language!
1. Chapter 1

**This chapter was also the last chapter of "In the Volcano". Basically I fell in love with the location I invented and wanted to do more with it! This section contains a light side helping of Chulu. :-)**

**1. **

The kitchen is a large room, glimmering in shades of white and blue mosaic, with large windows over- looking the sea. At this time of day the sun shines in casting pale golden gleams across all the work tops. Kirk heads straight to the fridge while Spock finds the recorded message on the wall screen and plays it. Sulu's face appears on the screen.

"Captain Kirk, Commander Spock" Kirk looks up from the fridge – "I hope you enjoyed your first night here –" someone chuckles in the background – "Anyway I hope you're seeing this after that or I've just lost a bet." Kirk looks over at Spock and rolls his eyes – my crew – he mouths.

"There's food in the fridge and an automatic dispenser in the wall in case it turns out neither of you cooks – no offence. Other than that I guess there's nothing you can't work out for yourself – just please don't use the hoverpods to play bubble bumper cars – they're still recovering from last time –"

Kirk grins over at Spock he just looks bemused by this, hey he thinks bubble bumper cars! Spock shakes his head tolerantly. Chekov's face pops up on the screen –

"You started it! That wasn't me!"

"That is just not true"

"It wasn't only me!"

Sulu pushes Chekov gently but firmly out of view –

"Ignore him Captain, he's had too much English candy. Anyway we are truly pleased to see you back Captain."

The little head pops up again like a meerkat -

"Wery wery pleased!" it whoops.

" – and we look forward to seeing you back with us in a few weeks' time. Very much enjoy the break. I can't think of anyone who's earned it more. Sulu out."

"Chekov also out!"

"You were never in!" – is the last thing they hear from Sulu, muttering as he switches off. Kirk shakes his head, grinning –

"My crew" he says aloud, before turning back to the fridge – "Spock they left champagne and strawberries! Why do I feel like I'm being set up?"

"I do not know what you mean Captain" says Spock, already efficiently flipping pancakes, much to Kirk's delight – "Suggest you find condiments if you require pancakes at this time".

"I mean- " says Kirk, rifling through the cupboards – "That this feels like a honeymoon prepared by my crew and me the only one not to know."

"Is this disagreeable to you Captain?"

Kirk frowns –

"Frighteningly not so. Also Spock I think it's quite seriously Jim no don't you?"

"Jim – please sit down, pancakes are occurring imminently."

Kirk sits cross legged on the floor on front of the Japanese table, fork in hand –

"Can you never just say something's nearly ready?"

"I believe I just did. Your plate please."

Kirk holds it aloft –

"Please sir, I want some more" he quips.

"Charles Dickens – "Oliver Twist"" says Spock – "Yet irrelevant in this context as you have not yet –"

"Oh my god Spock –" Kirk groans, then smiles – "I'm gonna have to live with this forever aren't I?"

Spock suppresses the genuine nervousness that threatens to slip into his face and voice –

"Tell me this is not disagreeable to you?" he asks and Kirk gives him that smile that answers him better than words and he knows that is better than fine. He joins Kirk on the floor, watching him squeeze his way effortlessly into cracking open a jam jar –

"I'm never gonna have to struggle with lids again am I?" he beams, jamming, sugaring and taking down a good quarter of a pancake in one bite – "Oh my god – food!"

"I would find it unlikely Captain –" says Spock, ignoring this last, except internally where he views it with extreme fondness – "Also you have jam on your chin."

Kirk grins with a smile that spreads first to his eyes and then seems to infuse him utterly, knowing that this is Vulcan for Spock finding him adorable.

"Sugar?" he offers, watching Spock methodically quarter a lemon and squeeze it onto a pancake with never before seen elegance.

"No thank you"

"Are you sure? It's delicious"

"Jim you are well aware of the effects of sucrose upon my species."

"Sooo….sugar?"

"Not at this hour pekatov"

"Pekatov? That Russian?"

"Vulcan. It means you are –" Spock blushes a little – "Adorable. There appears to be a message on the side of that bottle" he adds quickly, indicating the champagne.

"Oh yeah – it says –" Kirk pauses to watch Spock consume a pancake in a rare and fascinatingly logical manner – "It says "Take us up to the roof. Trust me" – cryptic, you think we should?

"As this note on the strawberries reads "Eat me" therefore clearly referencing Lewis Carroll , I am very much not sure that we should. However I suspect that we will do nevertheless."

"Why Mr. Spock are you actually suggesting we be led by the illogical spirit of adventure?"

"I am suggesting that it would be preferable to watching to see if your digestive functions extend to the consumption of more than five pancakes in quick succession, yes Captain."

"I love you Spock."

"If you are capable of movement suggest you handle the alcoholic beverage" says Spock, taking hold of the strawberries and rising with more than a vague glint in his eye."

"Oh trust me –" Kirk beams, blissfully – "I'm on it."

**The roof**

From the first floor they find a secret staircase leading up to the roof. Walking out onto it feels a little like walking into a tropical paradise. To call it a roof garden would be a terrible understatement. Kirk blinks in the sunlight, eyes widening at the beauty and the sparkle – with the shimmer of the sea beyond. Spock does not smile, because he generally does not, but Kirk can see his eyes grow warmer and larger and his shoulders relax in a gesture that would be a smile from anyone else.

They wander out across the roof – though it would be easy to forget it even was a roof – the sense are so assaulted by colour and scent, the array of flowers something only Sulu could have created – tropical lilies and vines entwining around roses, daisies and crawling flowers, bindweed and clematis weaving around palm trees. Kirk stumbles upon the Jacuzzi almost by accident, ingeniously surrounded by plants and palms, yet still open to the sky so that somehow nothing has fallen into the water. He almost squeaks with happiness and looks instantly around for Spock. Not seeing him, he puts the bottle down beside the pool and is then alarmed to hear an odd choked noise –

"Spock?" he heads towards the noise and finds Spock looking down at a yellow rose bush, frozen in the act of stroking a petal as he visibly forces an emotion down hard.

"Spock – you okay?" Kirk frowns, putting a gentle hand on his arm. Spock turns at the touch and Kirk can feel him shaking the feeling off like an uncomfortable garment. He drops his hand, gently tracing the edge of the flower as he does so. For a moment Kirk thinks he will not say anything about it, then –

"My mother grew flowers like these –" he says, falteringly – "I used to think it was a trivial concern – I would tell myself to wonder why she did it but really I just knew that I liked it. I think perhaps I was not supposed to, that beauty without reason was illogical – consequently unnecessary. But now I know – that beauty is its own reason – my mother, she must have known this and known too that it was something I had to find out for myself."

"How did you?" Kirk asks – "Find out?"

Spock turns to look at him and this time he smiles, really smiles –

"Jim –" he says it like a prayer – "K'hat' n'd lawa – you are all the answers I ever sought." He takes Kirk's hand in his, that feeling of coming home.

"Do you think she would have liked me? – at all?" Spock's smile goes all the way to his eyes –

"You are illogical, impulsive and emotional" he says – "She would have loved you."

"I wish we could have met"

"As do I."

"But at least you can introduce me to your dad."

"That is illogical Jim, as you have already met."

"Spock I was choking over a console, trying to make you mad and suffering the most uncomfortable erection of my life – hardly at my best –"

Spock scowls a little –

"Neither was I."

"Spock come – I gotta show you something."

Spock squints at him, slightly suspiciously –

"Usually when you say that we end up engaging in coitus."

"I have no problems with that scenario, c'mon." He leads Spock by the hand, bounding like an excited child –

"We have a Jacuzzi!" he beams.

"Fascinating. What is it for?"

Kirk pauses in the act of taking his clothes off –

"Seriously Spock? It's just like – a bath – with bubbles – and it's awesome! Don't tell me you never encountered one before!"

"I have not. It seems a highly illogical human contraption."

Kirk jumps in and turns the bubbles on, stretching and wiggling as he settles into the water. Spock looks at him like he has gone mad and looks at the Jacuzzi like it might bite him.

"Spooock –" Kirk breathes, leaning back and groaning softly from a warm happy place – "Get in here with me – is goooood!"

"I am not sure –"

"Just do the thing Spock"

Spock gets undressed, observing that the combination of bubbles and hot water certainly does seem to produce a near orgasmic response from Kirk. Nevertheless he tests the water with an extremely tentative toe –

"It is not logical –" he begins, getting no further before Kirk cuts in –

"Dude get in already, stop being a pussy!"

"A curious expression Captain, though doubtless the aversion to unnecessary water is comparable to a feline reaction –"

"Spock!"

"Yes Captain"

"Get in and shut up, that's an order!"

Spock slides in quickly and gracefully, masking his awkwardness well, sitting still in the water for a while whilst Kirk's eyes glitter with merriment at his bemused expression. Spock shifts.

"Well?"

"It is – extremely pleasant" he admits, grudgingly – "Do I take it this is a traditional Terran honeymoon activity?"

"Yup, and a good one – also with champagne - you want?"

"I am not sure that is –"

"Shut up, you're having."

"I do not believe I like –"

"Yeah yeah, you said that about the bubbles and now you're wiggling like a happy seal on a rock."

"I refute that statement."

"You are so"

"I am not."

"Are so!"

"Jim, have you regressed back to childhood?"

"Mebbe – cheers!" he waves the champagne bottle aloft, not having any glasses – "Next you'll be telling me you don't like strawberries."

"On the contrary – strawberries are, as I believe you would say –" he uses the word testingly – "Awesome."

Kirk giggles.

"Say awesome again!"

"No."

"Aww please!"

"Awesome" Spock intones, deadpan. Kirk cracks up, wriggling in the water like a bug on a stick. Spock eats a strawberry and pretends to ignore him.

"Spock you nibble like a hamster."

"This amuses you?"

"It's really cute."

"Jim I'm a Vulcan, we are not "cute""

"Pfft. You are."

"Jim if you continue to insult me I will not save you a single strawberry."

"Ouch, Mr Spock, you wound me with your words! Give!"

Later, when the fighting's done they will make love among the bubbles, each aware of how beautiful the other is, no more so than here in this strange Eden – like playground. But for now they wrestle for strawberries, Spock eventually feeding half of them to Kirk himself, in defiance of all logic.

It is not, he reasons, only beauty that occurs just for the sake of occurring.

_x_


	2. Chapter 2

**Pure fluff, in which the title gets explained.**

**2.**

"So Spock –" Kirk says, when they have been in the Jacuzzi so long he feels like he is starting to shrivel up – "Hover – pod bumper cars?" Spock frowns, not knowing what this could possibly entail, only remembering that it was something Sulu had told them not to do-

"Did not Mr Sulu ask us not to engage in that….activity?"

"Yes! Isn't it great? If he hadn't I never would have had the idea!"

"Might I postulate a theory that you still would not have had the idea had not champagne for breakfast presented itself as a viable option two hours and twenty four minutes ago?"

Kirk snorts – "I don't know what you're talking about I'm perfectly shtone cold shober Shpock" he frowns, trying to work out where he went wrong. Spock raises an eyebrow, waiting patiently – "Stone. Cold. Sober. Spock" he finally manages.

"Indeed" says Spock flatly, knowing better than to argue. Kirk slowly hauls himself out of the tub and for a moment Spock just looks at him, half smiling at the sight of him naked and wet and half wondering when he is going to realise they forgot to bring up towels. Kirk smiles down at him in a cocky_ yes indeed I am quite attractive _manner, then scowls, looks at Spock's expectant half smirking face and sighs –

"We forgot towels didn't we?"

"Affirmative"

"You knew this didn't you?"

"Again I must concur"

"You're an ass Spock"

"I do not in any way see my resemblance to a donkey"

"You piss me off Spock"

"You are naked on the roof Jim". Spock cannot keep from it coming out rather smugly.

"Well damn it!" Kirk grins – "Yes I am! And so I intend to remain until dry! _And –" _he waggles his eyebrows – "You don't have a towel either so you're gonna have to join me!"

Spock thinks about this for a moment and then thinks about all the sensible things he could maybe reply to this and then he says –

"Damn."

_x_

A short while later they lie naked on the roof, Kirk smiling, stretching and wiggling his toes, Spock looking faintly perplexed, as if wondering what he is doing –

"I do not think I understand this activity you call you call sunbathing" he says finally.

"What's not to understand? It feels nice."

"It appears to be entirely without purpose or justification."

"So are a lot of things that feel good. Can't feeling good be a justification in itself?"

"It is not logical-"

"Neither is beauty. But doesn't beauty provide its own function – does beauty not in fact "make a thing more useful"?" Kirk turns his head to grin at Spock, eyes twinkling. Spock struggles to hide his surprise –

"Are you attempting to quote Vulcan philosophy Jim? I must say –"

"Gotcha didn't I? And you thought I was just a pretty face. Yes Spock, I've read my "Teachings of Surak""

"_You've _read –"Spock shakes his head slightly trying to digest this information – "I must say I am surprisingly impressed."

"Thought you might be. See there's this whole thing where I'm not stupid – I'll tell you about it some time."

"I believe you have made it abundantly clear. So when were you going to tell me of your awareness of Surak?"

Kirk beams, having awaited an opportunity to say this for some time –

"When it became relevant –" he adopts his most Spock – mocking voice, raising his eyebrows and waggling his ears –"As it just did!"

Spock sighs tolerantly, and allows himself a gentle, fond smile –

"May I ask how long you have been awaiting that opportunity?"

"Ever since you said it Pointy, ever since."

"I may have to recant what I said about your intelligence."

"Nah, it's my maturity that's at stake. Let it go."

"You never cease to surprise me K'hat'n dlawa."

Kirk frowns –

"You said that before –what's it mean –I'm a….cat ….in the larder?" Kirk chuckles, amusing himself. Spock sighs again –

"I had thought perhaps with your newly discovered intelligence you would know –" Kirk watches the faint green blush steal it's way around Spock's ears with faint amusement, wondering how long he can go before he admits he knows what it means – "It is Vulcan it means half of my –"

"Of course –" Kirk butts in for the sake of being obnoxious and winding Spock up – "If I _was _a cat in a larder I'd be a really happy cat. All that food to myself –"

Spock frowns, never quite able to work out if he is being annoying on purpose. Since he is sometimes, in his way, as incapable as the human of not voicing a thought he says this –

"Jim are you being annoying on purpose or does it just come naturally?"

"Oh it's a skill."

"You are bewildering and intolerable ashayam."

"I'm a shy ham now? I thought I was a cat –"

"Jim!"

" – So does the shy ham reside in the same larder and is it just scared 'cause the cat might eat it?" continues Kirk, joyfully taking the ball and rolling with it.

"Jim you are impossible! I shall not continue using Vulcan endearments upon you if you continue to mock me –"

"Spock I'm just messing with you! I know what they mean, I'm in your head remember. You could talk French to me and I'd still know what you meant –"

Kirk rolls onto his side on his sunbed, to look Spock in the eye – "Never stop using your words Spock – you are all these things to me too." He smiles at Spock endearingly and holds out two fingers in a bid for a Vulcan kiss. Spock responds and they lie for a minute, eye to eye, mind to mind, fingers touching gently.

"I could never forget you were in my head, ashayam." Spock says eventually.

"No?" Kirk says softly, preparing for Spock to say something almost sweet.

"No. Where else would so many illogical thoughts come from?"

"Hey! I thought you were gonna say something nice."

"I am as you would say attempting to "mess" with you Jim." Kirk chuckles. Spock always sounds so awkward when he uses human colloquialisms.

"I love you Spock"

"And I you."

"Spock?"

"Jim?"

"It'd be a really fat cat- in the larder with all that ham."

"Shut up Jim."

_x_

**So this was a genuine conversation my t'hy'la and I had the other night (to the extent that we are now on tumblr as a'shy'ham and cat-in-de-larder!) - and it seemed a terrible shame not to give it to Kirk and Spock to have too!**

**Yes I vaguely referenced Dr Who in this section and yes, in the next I promise they will finally get to play hover pod bumper cars! Gotta make the important things happen!**

**(Anyone waiting on "Sunlit Lands" btw I'm really sorry, I'm not well and I can't write serious when I'm ill. I've not given up on it though, not at all. J)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Pure silliness. That is all. **

**3.**

"Seriously Spock we are on the beach –take _off _your shoes."

After a rather over enthusiastic game of Hover – pod bumper cars, at least on Kirk's part, they recline on the beach, sat on the sand.

"And stop worrying about that crack in the windscreen, we'll get it fixed…somehow."

"I am not worrying about –"

"Oh yes you are, and you're fretting about the impropriety of taking your shoes off. Spock last night you were naked on the balcony, if anyone was around to see I don't think they'd care about your feet anymore."

"But –"

"But what? You have toes? I gotta tell you Spock we all got toes –"

"Your argument is infantile and yet compelling through pure irritation" Sighs Spock, taking off his shoes and putting them neatly beside their picnic blanket.

"You're saying I bug you so much you'll do something anyway?"

"I said nothing regarding your entomological abilities but I suspect your usage of the word bug in this case does not refer to any manner of insect." Kirk laughs –

"You suspect correctly. Damn, I wish I'd thought to bring a picnic –" he sees Spock looking at him with a look in his eye that for once he completely misreads – "Don't tell me you don't know what a picnic is?"

"On the contrary, as I understand it a picnic is a traditional Terran pleasure excursion centred around the consumption of a meal in attractive surrounds –"

"Wow, you make it sound so tempting –"

"I believe this is the intention. I researched traditional coastal activities before we came here, based on what I see to be an accurate assumption that you would wish to engage in all of them –"

"Well that's disappointing – you're saying I'm predictable?"

"I am saying only that I do attempt where possible to predict your intentions, thereby preparing myself for a circumstance I would not otherwise comprehend. I do not generally succeed and am not sure I would wish this different. I could not have predicted –"

Spock stops suddenly, realising that anything he might have said next would only be deeply sentimental or emotionally compromising.

"What?" Kirk asks, eyes bright, eager to trip Spock into sentimentality – "Could not have predicted what Spock?" Spock looks away, opening and closing his mouth several times so as not to have to say it - _that I would find you, that I would lose you, that I could have you back again, mine and so complete – that I could ever feel- let alone feel like this –_

Kirk laughs softly, deciding to let him off the hook this time –

"Relax Spock, quit being a goldfish. I _can _hear you, you know."

Spock fights back a blush and instead frowns –

"I fail to see how I in any way resemble a small member of the carp family – nevertheless in answer to your earlier question –" he starts removing food from the bag he has put down on the sand. Kirk's eyes widen like Christmas morning –

"Oh my god! You _did _pack a picnic!"

"Indeed. Though I am not certain I intend to share it if you continue to compare me to aquatic life forms."

"Spock – you wouldn't withhold picnic from this face would ya?" he blinks rapidly, bestowing his most deliberately cheesy smile on the bewildered Vulcan. Spock makes the noise that is almost a laugh, never failing to be dazzled by those eyes, unable to restrain the thought _I could withhold nothing from you – _he half smiles and says only –

"No Jim, I could not."

"So what did you pack?" Kirk grins, in perfect assurance that Spock has chosen brilliantly. He is not disappointed. There are three different kinds of sandwiches, four different kinds of cake, pink iced biscuits and little raspberry cream filled chocolate people. Just when he thinks it cannot possibly get better Spock silently passes him a bottle of beer. Kirk's eyes positively roll back in his head –

"Spock I think I love you."

"Are you going to say this every time I provide food?"

"Probably. These sandwiches look odd though."

"A failing on my part. I am not accustomed to making with ingredients rather than replication –"

"You actually _made _it?"

"I cut sandwiches. I did not actively _bake."_

Kirk makes a blissfully happy sound very similar, Spock cannot help but thinks, to one that he sometimes makes during sex. He shakes his head in contented despair and nibbles a biscuit looking out to sea.

"Jim?"

"Spock?" They both speak at the same time after a long pause of pleasant silence.

"You first Spock"

"If I might pose a most….illogical question –" Kirk makes a cheer of delight. Spock all but wriggles uncomfortably –

"You would never ….leave me….in favour of….foodstuffs – would you?"

Kirk smiles that special just- for- you smile that means he need not say anything out loud, even so he compounds it with –

"Spock. I love food. It's amazing. But you have been and always shall be my –" he pauses, dramatically. Spock raises an eyebrow, bracing himself –

"Yes?"

"Cookies." Says Kirk.

"Cookies?"

"Oh yeah."

"Cookies are an especially excellent form of foodstuff?"

"Oh, the best."

"Then I shall acquire some the next time occasion arises. Now you were going to say?"

"Have you ever built a sand castle?"

"No but I have researched the practice in expectation of this question."

"I would never have guessed. Anyway I'm glad 'cause….'cause I haven't either. You for it?"

"It is not…."

"If you say logical I'll hit you with a sandwich."

"That would not be –"

"Spock!"

"Painful."

_x_

Later they watch the tide come in, first filling up the moat of the very logically constructed little sandcastle then gently, remorselessly lapping away at the walls. Kirk watches contemplatively and Spock watches him watching, the blue of the sea and the sun caught in his eyes.

_It is empowering. _He thinks – _to create without any expectation of permanence. To watch the sea undo your work is bittersweet and true. I never understood bittersweet before there was you. I never understood a lot of things, I would have gone my whole life without living. Strange that to be so alive can bring with it so much peace. In meditation we strive so hard for clarity, tranquillity, for the patterns of the mind to become smooth and clear. The Vulcan way is to construct a wall we then break down so it exists and does not exist and that is what is here. The completion of the thing is satisfying and so too is the end, the smoothing down. I was wrong – _he catches Kirk's eye on this admission – _Sandcastles are logical._

At the same time as he hears Spock's thoughts Kirk's own flow in harmony beside them – _We never were kids, neither of us, not really, never got to have that chance. Should have been kids together, to do this shit for years. Doesn't matter now. Doesn't matter how many times you get to do a thing as long as there's always the one memory that stays. When we were building I thought what a shame the castle wouldn't last the day - but it's not. This is, what everything gets, this is a lifetime. Tomorrow the sand will be smooth and if we want we can start again. Or do something else. I used to think my life was like the sand – something to be built and then destroyed, no permanence, no perfection. I was wrong – _he catches Spock thinking to him and smiles. _It's okay to be wrong Jim _Spock thinks to him_,_ he nods and in the end it does not matter which thought belongs to who because all the thought is shared and the sand and the sea are one and the same –

_Nobody could have told me the things you tell me and I would have believed. So tell me this moment can last forever._

_It can. _

It does.

_x_

**In the next section…. Smut. That is all. :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**This section is very much M rated, but for once with me it's all about the love and non – violent! I can be strange that way! The Vulcan is translated at the end!**

**4.**

The screen doors to the main room are open just a crack, letting in the smell and the sound of the sea. With the curtains open as they are now it is almost like being still in space for being able to see the stars outside.

Kirk comes downstairs from the bathroom, dressed in nothing but the towel he has wrapped around himself, to find Spock crouched in front of the open fireplace, gently teasing a few tentative flames into life.

"Spock it's warm out – and the door is open –" he squints at him, contemplatively, crossing the room to kneel down beside him – "Do we really need a fire?"

He does not really object, not when Spock's face in the dancing shadowy firelight is so beautiful and strange. Shadows play in his eyes painting them black as coals, the curve of his lip and ear, outlined from the side in the flickering light – positively demonic, like Bones always said. Kirk shudders, involuntarily and deliciously; no, he does not really mind the fire at all, he can feel himself getting hard already and hopes it does not show beneath the towel. He feels suddenly, ridiculously under dressed.

Kirk's arousal does _not _go un- noticed and Spock smirks inwardly, his face betraying nothing as he replies –

"It would seem a shame to waste this rather excellent fireplace. Also Vulcans are more prone to feeling sensations of cold than humans –" he shields his other thoughts carefully, at the same time thinking – _he equates me visually to renderings of demons. Ironic. I wonder if he is aware how angelic he comparatively appears? _

"….and?" Kirk asks, looking at him sideways.

"And?" Spock echoes, innocently.

"You're hiding something. You have other intentions – I can tell –" he grins, wickedly, voice lowering into a purr – "Foul, _demonic _intentions –"

_So beautiful – _Spock thinks – _So perfect, and yet the appearance of arrogance is such pretence, I wonder if he has any real idea – _he shakes his head a little to clear the thoughts –

"Indeed –" he says quietly – "It had not escaped my awareness that you would appear at great advantage by firelight."

"That means you want to fuck me in front of the fire doesn't it?"

"Your phrasing is woeful –" Spock sighs – "But your sentiment is accurate."

Kirk rolls his eyes, beside them the fire flares and he moves a little back from it as the heat warms his whole right side more than is necessary. As he moves he leans into Spock, putting one hand down on the floor, in this corner of the room covered in the softest, deepest furs, and extending his other hand to curl around Spock's neck and gently stroke the base of an ear with his thumb –

"Why don't you just say stuff?" he half teases – "If you want me – why not just say so?" Spock arches his neck, cat – like beneath Kirk's fingers.

"Do you _need _me to say so?"

"No. But I'd like to hear it all the same – if you mean it."

Spock cannot help himself turning slightly, to kiss the hand near his face, his heart stings a little –

"Can you even doubt it?" Kirk bites his lip –

"No. It's just –"he looks downwards, Spock's eyes are so penetrating he doesn't want to see them react, perhaps with pain to his own insecurities – "It's just you've only ever said it angrily and ….and ….this is really dumb and you'll hate me –"

Spock's forehead crumples in sympathy, feeling how hard it is for Jim to say this, not even able to read what he is thinking that human is so ashamed by what he perceives to be his own neediness. He curls his fingers gently around Kirk's wrist, stroking tenderly;

"Please continue." Kirk nods,

"It's just you've never said "I love you" unless I've said it first and I worried –"

"Jim shhh" Spock says firmly – "I – it is not – I spent so long forcing myself not to express such sentiments – on Vulcan it is barely acceptable –"

"But we're not _on _Vulcan and if you do you can – I mean –" It is almost heart breaking to Spock, hearing Kirk's brain all but scream _Don't make me say please, don't make me –_

"Jim, I never even felt it before to express it, any more than you have heard it. But I love you – I thought only that you would not need me to say it aloud when surely you can hear it in my every heart beat."

Kirk's face, which has been on the verge of tears, breaks into a smile, like sun through the clouds and he nods, repeatedly – "I know" he exhales and breathes deeply – "I knew really – I'm just – like an idiot."

Spock looks at him affectionately –

"I am not inclined to disagree."

"Hey!" But Kirk smiles and looks back up at Spock, his spare hand inching across the floor to where Spock has a hand rested on his knee, stroking the back of Spock's hand and turning it round to run his thumb in circles around Spock's palm with slow, unbearable intent. Spock closes his eyes and hisses, heart pounding; the warmth of the fire and Kirk's closeness and now the delirious tingling in his hand almost too much to bear. He can hear the rush and crackle of the fire like a storm in the brain and there is no inch of his skin that does not sing and ache with raw smarting desire. His throat feels rough, choking on lust and his voice hard to find. Kirks' stroking across his palm is relentless, knowledgeable fingers tormenting his wrist and twisting into his fingers as another searching hand follows the curve of his ear. He is drowning in fire and seizes both Kirk's wrists almost violently to keep himself afloat and make the torture stop, his voice latching onto the only word he can manage-

"Jim –" he growls, low and little more than animal, yanking him closer, his eyes like coals burning into Kirk's, demanding and receiving complete attention. His lip almost quivers with the effort of speech and his whole body trembles – "I want you." Not angry, this time, not violent, but so intent, so very much that he can feel Kirk nearly shiver beneath the force of it, afraid at first but that quickly melts into lust in the heat.

"I want you" he repeats, gathering him against himself, towel falling so that Kirk is naked in his lap, pushing a hand through his hair and down his arm, following the imprint of his fingers in the human's skin with his eyes – "So much –" he whispers – "So much Jim –" and because he _has _to kiss him now or die from it he can only think the rest to him as he ravages his mouth as though he has never been there before – _Want you, always, constantly, always like it's the first time. Like I have not touched you in forever. So melodramatic and illogical I barely know myself. But you, you have always known me better than I do. You are myself. Half my heart, half my soul – and the better half of both, want you ashayam, body and soul – _

He rocks gently, firmly forward, pushing Kirk onto his back on the floor, his gentle fall cushioned by the softness of the alien furs. Spock looks down at him, at the picture he makes in the firelight, barely keeping himself from shaking as he sheds his clothes in an almost unthinkably untidy heap on the floor. His heart shivers painfully to see Kirk looking up at him with those eyes, drowning him, his body a study in gold with the firelight playing across his skin. He falls upon him hungrily, _wanting _to drown, to lose himself in sweet human flesh, honey gold and smoky red, delicious to the touch, fire warm, soft and firm. Spock _whimpers _just to caress that hot skin, a broken, circling sound that Kirk thinks at first is the cry of the gulls outside but when he realises otherwise his eyes widen, pupils blown black in the blue, storm on the sea and he smiles and it is Spock's undoing. He cannot even speak, just claims his lips desperately, drinking him in, his hands alone singing the song of his desire as they trammel paths across his skin until every inch has been covered and possessed – _aitlu, ketlio, bolau, sut na' du, nem-tor, nem-tor, nem-tor – _Spock growls softly and Kirk arches his back, head dropping back at the sound of a Vulcan reverting to feral, falling back on passions so hard repressed but too deeply imbedded in the blood to be truly forgotten. The human is transfixed, overwhelmed by how terribly beautiful Spock is like this, mask broken, teeth bared, eyes narrowed and black as he supports Kirk's head with one arm, angling himself so Kirk can watch him oil his cock in preparation. And it is the human's turn to moan; Spock is so _huge, _his body so hard and powerful, gleaming copper in the primal light – the very thought that he is about to be inside him enough to nearly make him scream. He nearly does just on feeling Spock's fingers slide inside him, but the sensation is too overwhelming for anything but silence. His body shakes with silent screaming, past the point of perfection when Spock removes his hand to slide his cock slowly, deeply, completely inside him and Kirk loses the fight to keep his eyes open. Spock fills him absolutely, and it is beyond perfect, like something that was missing is being replaced and if it wasn't enough he can hear Spock in his head and knows the meaning if not the words –

_Tahluk – nash – veh k'dular T'hy'la, heh dungau tahluk nash- veh k'dular kuon- sum heh eh wak –_

Kirk inwardly curses his ability to even make a rational thought anymore, finally managing, what seems a comparatively insufficient –

_I love you._

_- Ashayam – _Kirk feels Spock pull his thoughts together far enough to manage human language – _That is never insufficient –_

Spock kisses him, supporting him – and supporting himself – by Kirk's shoulders, holding him fiercely close as he thrusts into him deeply and deliriously, both of them holding off the end just to prolong the feeling of being this close. _Close _barely even seems a relevant description when their foreheads touch and their minds curl together, like two hands clasping, fingers interlacing, the human mind vibrant and gold –

_Fuck, Spock, you are my everything –_

- The threads of the Vulcan mind green and silver weaving in around the human strands –

_Kashkau, ashayam, wukkuh heh terretuhr –_

_- Kuon sum heh eh- wak?_

_Indeed. _

_- It's like I was ….was music, with half the notes missing, you were the sounds that made me make sense –_

_You are the sweetest tune I ever heard. The greatest instrument I ever played –_

_- Spock, never stop loving the music –_

_I could not._

They slide and writhe together like the mating dance of snakes, twisted and melting into one and the dancing lights send one long shadow spilling across the floor and surging in a wave over the ceiling. _Close _does not cover it when the mind and body share the same space – the shadow shakes and for a moment the shared heart stops beating and the air is poised waiting for the crash. Spock pushes for a final time, deep inside Kirk's body pushing with his mind at the same time and they both crash together in a symphony of sounds, of human screams and Vulcan growls, Kirk's hands clutching, feeling like they're breaking in the furs and Spock's fingers crushing his skin, grinding into him with everything he has, divine pain and shattering pleasure. Their shadow shudders and falls in sympathy, and Spock collapses onto Kirk breathing heavily, slowly unclenching his hands, Kirk doing the same, both of them, hands quivering with the effort.

Eventually Kirk rolls onto his side, off the fur and onto the marble floor, smiling with delight at the cool feel against his burning skin Spock slides in beside him, taking the furs and most of the heat. Kirk gazes at him, chest heaving, eyes wide blown and shining –

"Spock –" he breathes – "If you – do that – melding thing – every time – it's gonna kill me."

"I am not sure that is not – a little melodramatic"

Kirk beams in delight, to see Spock actually a little out of breath, Spock caresses his shoulder and neck, contemplatively –

"You are- damp" he frowns.

"Vulcans don't sweat huh?"

"We do not."

"And you never get too hot?"

"Rarely –"

"Rarely means I can test the theory right?"

"I believe that is what I implied yes."

Kirk shakes his head, wonderingly –

_I cannot believe – _he thinks, almost shyly – _That that logical voice and that animal I just saw can be one and the same person._

_And yet – we are – _Spock returns his glance with deep black eyes – _We all of us here are the same person._

_x_

**Translations:**

**- Aitlu, ketlio, bolau, sut na' du, nem-tor, nem-tor, nem-tor – ****_Want, burn, need, ache for you, take, take, take._**

**- Tahluk – nash – veh k'dular T'hy'la, heh dungau tahluk nash- veh k'dular kuon- sum heh eh wak ****_– I love you T'hy'la and I will love you always and forever._**

**- Kashkau, ashayam, wukkuh heh terretuhr – ****_Our minds beloved, one and together_**

**- Kuon sum heh eh- wak – ****_Always and forever_**

**In case you couldn't have guessed – when I get married we're doing our vows in Vulcan! Anything I've missed please let me know also I'm sorry for my many probable mistakes!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Very brief reference to Kirk's crummy childhood but otherwise total fluff that then turns into total crack and chocolate drunk Spock!**

**5.**

Spock sits out on the veranda in a lightly swinging chair, trousers back on this time, marvelling at how unusual it is to actually feel the need to cool down for once. Used, as he is, to the temperature of Vulcan, this is something that rarely occurs on Earth. He listens to the sea, watching the waves fall on the beach in a half meditative state, vaguely wondering what Kirk is up to in the kitchen, from which he said he would "Be right back". Spock smiles to himself contentedly; he could get used to feeling this good.

Kirk is, as promised, not long. He comes onto the veranda bearing two long mugs that steam gently and contain a suspiciously sweet smelling substance.

"What is that?" Spock asks, in a somewhat suspicious manner.

"It's priest" Kirk says, somewhat automatically, waving it away in the face of Spock's non – comprehending stare – "Sorry, sorry, old musical theatre reference. I'll explain one day. It's hot chocolate and this time you're not getting out of it –" He all but forces the mug into Spock's hands. Spock sets it down on the table patiently as Kirk sits down beside him.

"Jim, I have told you repeatedly that chocolate has an intoxicating effect on Vulcans – I would not wish you to see me so uncontrolled."

"I knew you'd say that and it won't wash this time Spock, 'cause this is just our second night here and I already can't count the number of times I've seen you all _uncontrolled. _And I've loved it – every single time." Spock sighs –

"This is hardly the same – this – may cause me to behave – ridiculously – not to mention illogically. I fear the regret I may feel for my actions in the morning may outweigh the pleasure of the taste and experience tonight."

"Spock if I gave into that fear every time I was planning a night out I'd have had a hell of a lot less sex in my life than I have –"

Spock glares at him, a glare which states _normally I would tear you apart for reminding me how many others have dared to touch you, I would remind you how unacceptable this is to me – you are fortunate I am so perfectly content. _

"But –" he contents himself with saying – "I may not be responsible for my actions and some of them may be positively infantile –"

"Shocker." Kirk grins at the thought – "Bring it on".

Spock picks up his mug and tentatively sniffs at it –

"Also you'd be insulting me to turn it down since I made this with my own actual hands."

"This is – a Jim Kirk speciality?"

"Your damn right it is! You know how other kids have comfort blankets?"

He takes a look at Spock's blank, though fascinated expression and sighs – "Of course you don't. Well they do. But me I had hot chocolate. When things were at their worst, like even on the days when the baddest shit happened I would sneak downstairs in the night and make myself hot chocolate then go out and drink it under the apple tree in the yard. I'd have chocolate and apples and cool my head down – and it kinda kept me sane – y'know? – Do you?"

Spock nods, slowly –

"Oranges. It was oranges for me. I would concentrate very firmly in removing the entire peel before dividing it into segments which I confess I then arranged in what appeared the most logical pattern before consuming. It was – calming." He blows on the hot chocolate, adamantly not meeting Kirk's nearly laughing eyes and takes a tiny sip. Kirk watches him half expecting him to explode.

"I am not going to explode Jim" Spock says patiently, reading Kirk's thought – "I am sorry if disappoints you. Though I must say I feel at a disadvantage as you will not be reaching intoxication through your own beverage"

"Well you say that, here –sniff" Kirk holds out his mug, Spock sniffs obligingly –

"Rum?"

"All the way" Kirk gives a full and happy sigh, watching Spock sip bee –like at his chocolate with fond amusement. Half way down the mug he utters the famous last words –

"Well, I can't see this going nearly as badly as you thought."

_x_

"BONES!" Spock yells, half a mug later – "I'm gonna call him on your communininicator and tell him STUFF!"

"They hell you are weirdo!" Kirk yells back, laughing as they wrestle for it. Eventually Spock grabs it and runs off following the path down the cliff to the beach, waving it over his head like a trophy, Kirk follows at a stumbling run, whooping. Somehow Spock succeeds in activating the communicator –

"BONES!" He yodels down it – "Thish beach is the besht beach ever! Thank you thank you thank you for the THING!"

"Jim?" the doctor's voice comes back, bleary and half awake "Damn it Jim! Do you know what time it is?"

Spock bursts into peels of giggles –

"Nonononono doctor! Thish –is not a Jim!"

"Oh dear lord. Spock? What the hell did he do to you?"

"Bonesh!" Spock chuckles –"You're called Bonesh! – and we've been BONING! HOORAY!"

"Good god man! Where's Jim? Gimme the idiot"

"Can't doctor –I fear – he is tooooo smaaaaall!"

"What the fuck?"

"Can't _give_ you him doctor that ish not LOGICOOL! He is - too small to – fit. Down. A. Phone line!"

In his bed Bones face palms, holding his communicator away from his ear as he listens to the scuffling sounds on the other end

"DOCTOR!" Spock yells – "I know what time it is! It's CHOCOLATE O'CLOCK!"

This is followed by the sound of Kirk yelling "Give me that!", Spock's muffled yelling "I'll throw it inna seeeaaaa!" and eventually the familiar sound of Kirk's fist connecting to a face and then –

"Bones? Bones you still there?"

"Yeah-" Bones drawls, wearily – "I don't know why I'm still here but I'm still here. Now for the love of god tell me what you've done to that green blooded hobgoblin of yours."

"Well I'd think that's obvious Bones I gave him hot chocolate and just now I punched him in the face cause he was gonna throw this in the sea! Really, you should know better."

"Oh of course. Stupid me. Now do please tell me there was some purpose in calling me at three o clock in the damned morning!"

"Of course Bones – of course there was a purpose –" Kirk says in so soothing a voice that Bones knows something horrific is about to follow – "The purpose –" another scuffle and then Spock again-

"Was to tell you how much SEX we're having! Bones Bones he punched me inna face! You should…do that thing…you should declare him not Captain and me CAPTAIN OF THE WORLD! I'm going….to SWIIIIM!" he yells and Bones hears running, Kirk yelling "Spock where are you going?" and Spock whooping, yelling "OUUUUT!" in return.

"Bones I gotta go – I gotta fish a mad Vulcan out the sea before it drowns, love ya Bones"

"You two are both like four year olds, you know that?" Bones sighs – "Please entirely fail to call me back when you're sober and try not to die now won't you?"

Kirk makes a brief affirmative noise and switches off.

"SPOCK!" he yells up the beach – "Spock you are drunk –go home!"

Spock splashes benignly in the water –

"I'M A FISH!" he yells. Kirk rolls his eyes and jumps in the sea after him –

"You were right about one thing –" he sighs, as they float in the water together –

"Jim?" Spock queries, eyes shining and crazy – bright –

"You _are _going to regret this in the morning – little fish."

_x_

**Points for anyone who got the Sweeney Todd reference – ST was my first fandom ever so I had to reference it one day!... I apologise for this chapter. I really do. Next time we'll be flying kites, true fact!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Cat in the Larder**

**I had many plans for this chapter….but this is not any of them, this is random stuff I wrote 'cause I was tired….and 'cause I really like otters. :-) **

**Pure fluff and crack!**

"God Spock I love my life!" Kirk groans happily, leaning back in the little row boat. He trails a hand in the water and basks with the sun on his face, pleased that he finally succeeded in convincing Spock of the joy of rowing for no purpose at all. Spock watches Kirk, basking himself in the warmth of that smile and feels a brief old stab – _I almost lost you – _he wonders if that ache will ever go away.

He shakes it off and takes the oars from Kirk, then – positively hurt by the random directions of the human's rowing, aims loosely to cross the bay from side to side. He rows in pleasant silence for a while, letting Kirk bask, listening only to the rise and fall of the oars in the water and watching Kirk's hand trace ripples along the side of the boat. Suddenly Kirk withdraws his hand, uttering a sharp sound of surprise.

"What is it?"

"Some sort of – something – brushed my hand!"

"Jim the ocean is a diverse ecosystem containing innumerable aquatic creatures –"

"Yeah – but this felt –" he wishes he could think of a more intelligent word – " – fuzzy."

"Possibly an otter then"

"An otter?"

"Yes Captain, otters are most commonly found in kelp rich sea beds such as these. Indeed this bay relies heavily upon them to maintain the fertility of the microcosm."

"Is that a fact?" Kirk's eyes twinkle, half teasingly.

"It is most factual Captain. Otters in this region were hunted to near extinction here in your nineteenth century, resulting in a complete failure of the local environment. This was so detrimental, even to local Terrans that more otters had to be brought into the bay to encourage a return of the wildlife and re- establish the natural balance –"

"Spock?" Kirk cuts in lazily.

"Yes Jim?"

"Is there any limit to your knowledge?"

"Of course" Spock almost shrugs – "Forgive me Jim – I am boring you?"

Kirk laughs softly –

"I just had no idea you knew so much about otters."

"Life forms are fascinating."

"Spock _you're _fascinating – you don't have to go all David Attenborough on me to prove it."

"David –"

"Wildlife commentator from the late….twentieth century - I think." Kirk waves it away with a hand.

"Perhaps you would prefer less evidential detail and more "Fun facts" for Terran children on the subject?" says Spock, arching an eyebrow.

"Spock you're learning both mockery and sarcasm –" Kirk beams – "I'm so proud!" He smiles at Spock goldenly, both of them letting the other know that they are not being genuinely antagonistic.

"Go on then –" Kirk says eventually – "Give me "fun facts" on otters."

"Not if you are being patronising" huffs Spock.

"Now Spock, don't be a petulant ass – or I won't make you any more of my awesome hot chocolate."

"That is _not _an incentive Jim" sighs Spock, thinking back to his chocolate hangover that morning.

"Otters!"

"Very well Jim. The sea otter has the densest belly fur of any other animal, being the only marine mammal without blubber. This makes it extraordinarily ….fuzzy." he finishes, slightly lamely.

"Not _the _funnest fact Spock –" Kirk raises an eyebrow – "But worth it to hear you say "Fuzzy"". He smiles and they row in silence for so long Kirk starts to think Spock has nothing further to add to the subject of otters. Then out of the blue –

"Otters hold each other's' paws during sleep" Spock announces suddenly, as though this has been on his mind for some time.

"O….kay" Kirk nods, then thinks about it – "That's kinda….adorable."

"Indeed. A parent will also wrap its young up in kelp to stop it being drawn out to sea on the tide". He watches Kirk form a clear mental picture of this and then transfer the image to Spock. Spock can practically see him tag it in his brain with #soooocuuute!

"It is ….somewhat endearing" he nods.

"So are you" Kirk comes back quickly.

"They have to consume at least a quarter of their body weight a day and consequently do little other than eat and sleep."

"Okay Spock you've convinced me!" laughs Kirk – "I wanna be an otter!" With that he randomly throws himself into the sea , rocking the boat dangerously. He surfaces, splashing wildly, Spock looking at him impassively, if a little bemused –

"That was – unexpected and – random" he states. Kirk splashes up at him, trying and failing to mask his intentions to overturn the boat.

"I refute that intention" says Spock, starting to row away at top speed.

"Hey!" Kirk yells, swimming after him, laughing – "Get back here!"

After a great deal of splashing and shouting – mostly on Kirk's part – he upends an unimpressed Vulcan into the sea. Spock resurfaces, looking like an affronted cat. Kirk whoops and tells him so.

"You – threw me in the sea!" Spock manages to splutter out, unnecessarily and slightly shocked.

"Won't be the last time."

"You –" Spock splutters, spitting sea water – "Are impossible –" he splashes Jim – "Unpredictable!" Splash – "And immature!" Kirk slashes back and they splash at each other madly for several minutes until Kirk yells –

"I'm an otter!" and dives downwards, popping up again underneath the overturned boat. Spock follows, somewhat more elegantly. The light beneath the boat is dim and dappled from the water, the sea clear and shimmering vibrantly about them, enclosing like an embrace.

"Otters often mate for life" Spock says, a glimmer of humour in his eyes. Kirk blows water out his mouth and into Spock's face.

"Said I was an otter –" he smiles, almost able to hear his heart beat in the hollow beneath the hull.

"Jim –" Spock utters, like a prayer, Kirk's reply like an amen –

"Spock –" and they float together, holding hands beneath the water, pulling close in a salty warm kiss.

"Jim?" Spock whispers again, after a few minutes.

"Mmm?" Kirk smiles in the warmth of Spock's voice –

"Our oars are floating away."

_x_

**Next time I ****_promise _****I will fly kites and look at the aftermath of Spock's chocolate hangover!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Cause my brain is just that disorganised, this section is set before the last one, this is the aftermath of Spock's chocolate drunken-ness. With kites. **

**7.**

That morning:

"Jiiiiim!" Spock groans, peering blearily into the morning sunlight and promptly hiding his head back under the pillow.

Kirk, who has been up an hour already, bounds back in from the shower, towelling his hair and looking so ridiculously chipper that Spock squints at him for half a second before hiding his head again.

"Good morning Spocko!" Kirk positively bellows – at least it sounds that way to Spock's sensitive ears. He groans from under the pillow before looking wearily up at him with just one eye –

"Jim please –" he groans – "Must you be so intolerably _loud?"_

"Oh my god yes!" Kirk beams – "Consider it payback for all the mornings I've had a hangover and you've been obnoxiously awake and efficient and trying to force herbal tea down my throat."

"When you say "Obnoxiously awake" you are referring to the fact of my not being drooling into the pillow and making bovine grunting sounds?"

"Spock baby you are in _no _position to talk" Kirk smiles smugly.

"You are quite –" Spock groans, sitting up immensely slowly, blinking at the morning with effort – "the most –" he turns to glare at Kirk – "Irritating human expletive I have even had the misfortune to meet."

"Oh my god Spock, just use an expletive! Don't call me an "Expletive" you ass!" Kirk laughs.

"I hate you" Spock wails.

"No you don't."

"Fuck. You." Spock deadpans.

"Hooray!" Kirk whoops. Spock glares.

"Did I hear you mention herbal tea?"

"Yeah – but I wasn't offering."

Spock makes a faint wailing sound that he tries to pretend is a yawn.

"Why would you not do that for me?"

"Well let me see – do you answer my suffering requests for bacon with bacon being brought to my bed?"

"That is completely different. Bacon is not a validated cure for this state of being."

"You wouldn't say that if you'd tried it." Kirk mutters – "Damn, you must be the only person in the universe who actually craves herbal tea for a hangover."

"That is extremely unlikely Jim" Spock cradles his head in his hands, it feels heavy – like it might fall off and roll away. He groans –

"What did you _doooo? _No do not answer that – what did _I _do?"

Kirk begins to answer this, watching with delight as Spock's face registers deeper and deeper horror – "….and _then _you yelled "I'm de- evolving!" and tried to swim out to sea!" he finishes with a flourish.

Spock moans, there is no phrase he can utter that could summarise his horror.

"May I inquire –" he says eventually – "How you got me back to this room?"

"Oh yes you might!" beams Kirk – "I had to pretend I was a fisherman and enact catching you and hauling you to land. _Then _I had to persuade you we were swimming upstream to the breeding grounds – which I said were here. Then _you _said "Hurrah! Breeding! and you fell asleep. I took pictures."

"Jim –" Spock says with extreme restraint, clutching his arm – "You did not share them with anyone?"

"Nope." Kirk chirps – "Not yet! – not even Bones, who might –"

He is interrupted by a buzzing from his communicator – "Oh look, speak of the devil!" he announces. Spock frowns, not understanding the relevance of the phrase. Kirk waves it away and answers –

"Bones! Thought you said you didn't care what happened to us!"

"God damn it Jim – I wish I didn't!" Grumps Bones – "But I couldn't very well not at least check you were still alive could I? Even if you are the cause of my lack of sleep!"

"We're still alive Bones! At least I am – not sure about Spock here – but I think he'll pull through." Spock makes a groan so loud Bones can hear it and falls back in the bed like the beached fish he supposes he must now be.

"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear it –"

"Aww don't worry Bones – I have photos!"

Bones hears the faint sound of Spock's muffled bellowing –

"Nooooo – no photos – Jiiiiiim!"

Kirk cackles –

"Bones I have a hungover Vulcan and it's the best shit ever! I wish you were here to see this!"

"Well forgive me if I do not share in your wishes Jim – I think on the whole I'm gonna have to prescribe you two longer shore leave – I just don't think I want to see either of you for a while."

"Bones you're mean –" Kirk positively pouts – "But I accept your prescription – I could positively move in here."

"Humph. Well don't thank me or anything."

"Awww you so kind, I wans't gonna."

"Bye Jim, Insult the Vulcan for me won't you?"

"Every day Bones, later!"

Kirk is still grinning as he switches off, turning to Spock who is hung half out of the bed draining the mini – fridges of fruit juice.

"I think –" Spock says slowly, with a face like fruit juice is the best thing in the world – "I may be able to reach the kitchen and make my own tea." He looks at Jim sourly and Kirk dances off so as not to embarrass him further by observing the effort it takes to get out of bed.

_x_

Ten minutes later Kirk comes into the kitchen where Spock is all but lovingly caressing his tea cup and looking only slightly rumpled.

"Hey Spock guess what I found!" he announces brightly – "Kites!" He waves them in the air, looking terribly bright and complex to Spock's still struggling eyes.

"What is the purpose of this contraption?" he frowns.

"You fly them!"

"You would not fit"

"No dumbass you don't fly _on _them – you hold the string and make them fly!"

"I see. Why?"

"For fun!"

"Oh" Spock tries not to make this sound like a groan – "This is going to occur whether I acquiesce or not isn't it?"

Kirk beams a beam in which his affirmative is very much plain. Spock rubs his aching head with one hand and drinks more tea emphatically, Kirk bouncing excitedly and eventually wailing –

"C'mon Spo-ck – lets go fly kites!"

Ten minutes later on the beach Spock sighs wearily –

"Jim I promise – if you do not stop singing that tedious song I will take these kites and put them somewhere you will very much not enjoy."

Kirk's eyes light up like Christmas at the realisation that Spock has threatened to shove a kite up his arse but he hands a kite merrily to Spock without a further word. Spock stands there, holding his kite like a dead fish while Kirk runs up and down the beach trying to get his started, eventually coming back to Spock breathless, on the point of wailing that his kite won't start. Spock looks at him impassively, then points up at the sky silently and slightly smugly to where his kite is dancing beautifully on the breeze. Kirk sighs and spends the next half an hour trying to get his kite in the air, eventually aggravated into doing it by Spock's suggestion that he is having difficulties getting it up – an innuendo he is somewhat proud of having mastered. Kirk then makes his kite behave like a bird of prey and sends the _next _half hour trying to take down Spock's blue kite with his red one until both kites eventually tangle up and come down in a pile too high on the Cliffside to get down.

"Oh well" Kirk sighs – "At least they're happy together"

"Jim I must inform you that as inanimate objects kites are not capable of emotion happy or sad."

"Jealous – Spock? They're more Vulcan than you are."

Spock does not rise to the bait – "I can assure you Jim, kites are an intensely human contraption. Highly illogical."

"You're highly illogical"

"I think you'll find –"

"Lunch?"

"Yes, I am _sure _you will find lunch Jim." Spock rolls his eyes tolerantly at Jim's back, but follows him contentedly back to the house for food.

_x_

**And just to confuse y'all the ****_next_**** section will be set just after the ****_last _****one – if that makes sense. This one will actually contain some semi – serious sex as well as the crack!**


End file.
